There are several women who have influenced me and made me into
whom I am today.
Of course my mother takes the first place, a motherless beautiful
daughter growing up with her widowed maternal aunt was married off at
a very early age of about 15/16 years. All her dreams and aspirations for
education were put in the kitchen fires of the joint family household. The
love for education and reading was instilled in me by her.
Aai’s
best buddy was my Kaki. Inspite of being a rich heiress she took
great care of my young mother who was from a very middle class family.
Kaki never flaunted her wealth in her face. Lesson no: 1, Humility,
sharing and caring!
I have not seen my father’s mother( my maternal grandmother ).
Champubai Raghunandan Kothare , however I am told that she was a
kind hearted soul, full of charity and was very helpful to all. She was very
progressive in her thoughts and action. She had the vision of sheltering
her young widowed daughter (my youngest Atya) with two small children
in a separate house where she could lead her own life without imposing
her on the young daughters in laws. Aji would go about town, wearing a
shawl as was then the custom leaving the household in the hands of the
two daughters in law. Vahinibai (as my kaki was addressed by mother )
and Indumati (my mother) were the two partners in crime. Lesson no:2
Being practical was one more lesson!
Our Kothare household was always an open house welcoming everybody
Patients from outstation coming to Bombay for medical treatment were
made welcome alongwith their attendants. Lesson No:3 Helping people in
their difficult times and dealing with their needs with a smile, I have
inherited these genes.
We had so many grannies and aunties coming as house guests that I
would enjoy doing errands for them. The most beautiful and loving of
them was supposedly Sumati Tai our eldest sister. This was our Kothare
household always taking people in their fold. Sumati Tai was the daughter
of my uncle’ s client who, before dieing had handed over his very young
daughter to him for safe keeping. She lived with us and then my
grandmother married her off to a man who died after giving her two
children. Instead of sending her back to us, her Nanand kept her with
them to act as their maidservant who was allowed to visit us sometimes.
That was the best time I had, the stories that she told me were fantastic ,
spinning tales of beautiful princesses and gallant princes and magical
gardens! Her life was so harsh yet the stories that she spun were so
charming and wonderful that I picked up my story telling knack from her.
Always smiling, always helpful and a hard worker. She always remained
our eldest sister!
My Kaki would take me to all her relatives’ houses. Velkar Mothi Mami and
Dhakti Mami are like my own mamis. My kaki used to take me for Gauri
haldi kumkum to her Aylu Atya’s house, not knowing that one day she
would palm me off to her nephew Rajan Motiram Jayakar
My eldest brother Raghudada married a medical student. Usha Vahini
who was my idol. I was proud that after marriage, she continued her
studies, but after she passed her MBBS, she took over the kitchen and
was such an efficient manager of both the kitchen and her dispensary
and her patients, that I learnt my Lesson No:4 from her : Career and
housewife , how to manage a perfect balance!
My four sisters, two my elder sisters and my kaka’s two daughters all
doted on me, I being the youngest of them all. Loving and warmth, caring
for each other in a joint family and their extended families came
naturally to me because of my four sisters. My four sisters were like my
mother. I was so small when they got married that I had a special place
in their in laws home. Bageshri Tai was my big idol. I wanted to become a
social worker like her.
Schooling in a Parsi school boosted my moral character. Honesty
integrity, charity was the motto of our Parsi teachers. Coomi Aunty
Katrak was my ideal teacher. A teacher in those days was poorly paid, yet
from that meagre salary amount she gave a packet every month to my
classmate’s mother who was a widow. Manek Aunty the Principal would
stand at the door of the little school to greet every child leaving the
school, dressed up in a Parsi Gara with a flower veni in her hair (which
trait I have picked up from her). In the High School I was blessed with
Reverend Mothers who were very strict. “Knees together and ankles
crossed”! Discipline, punctuality, elocution, dramatics was the lesson
learnt in the convent! Mohantara Ajinkya , my Mami who mothered me
since her marriage to Shashi Mama. Today the love and affection which
she showered upon me is a model to love Vaishu, late Mrudula’s
daughter. and now I have become a universal Ketaki mami.
Of course marriage was a different ballgame. Mataji (Pramilabai) my
mother-in law was an avid social worker and a fantastic orator. Her
stitching, rangoli and knitting were my achiles heel. I could not do any of
these to save my soul. However thanks to Smita , Mohan’s wife who is a
wizard with her painting skill, embroidery, handiwork , rangoli and all the
arts and crafts, I convinced Mataji that I would be the one to appreciate
their art and be the backstage Manager.
I could write whole episodes on the women clients who came into my life
and taught me lessons from the real world away from the safety net of
the family where I grew up and the family where I was blessed to get
married into.
I have to stop here because woods are lonely dark and deep, I have
pages to write before I sleep.